Gentlemen -
Contrary to what you may have heard from the so-called mainstream media, Hurricane Katrina did not wash away our Football Pool this season. We are alive and well, our shorts are largely dry, and we've even got two new chums to add to the scrum. As this year's Commish (a title lovingly enscribed on the tags of all my Underoos), I want to present our traditional Pre-Season Reminder Wedgie Meant to Get Our Football Brains in a Bunch. But I'm doing so remotely because I'm in Chicago this week - or more acurately, the suburban slum filled with McMansions and TGIFridays that is Naperville. Blame it on my wife and her interminable striving toward a successful doctorish life (she's doing a Board exam prep course and I'm here as the Manny for our daughter). But I'll be back in San Francisco on Friday. The first game of the NFL Season is tomorrow night (Oakland @ NE - check the USAToday's Danny Sheridan line tomorrow for the line). So you're first pick and Pre-Season Pot entries are due before gametime. But before I get too far ahead of myself, let me take care of some introductory business.
We've got two new poolies this year. One is a good friend of mine and Jug's, the other is a passionate Packer fan living in Seattle that Bob and I got to know at a dinner with Lisa Schultz/Gold and her hubbie Aron. I hope everyone will agree that since we're a small group with no more NY-girlie-men in our midst, the endorsement of a pair of current Poolies will sufficiently allow for their inclusion into our little knitting circle. So our new Poolies are:
Patrick "Sockie" Savage (savagepd@yahoo.com) - Sockie grew up in the Land of the Jolly Green Giant (Le Sueur, MN) with current Poolie Christopher "Jug" George (jug_george@comcast.net). And then Sockie and Jug attended the University of Minnesota with me, so I can second the nomination. Sockie lives in San Jose, works as a Second Grade teacher, and should be a Vikings fan (although he is a pretty smart feller, so he has voiced his doubts about the franchise in years past). I get drunk with Sockie everytime I see him. He's never thrown up on me. In short, good people.
Ted "Fill in an Appropriate Nickname Here" Martin (tedamartin@yahoo.com) - Ted showed up at the dinner where Bob & I met him and witnessed his manishness wearing a vintage-styled Milwaukee Brewers jersey. He grew up in Milwaukee. He's a Packers fan. He went to the University of Wisconsin. He lives in Seattle. His wife was not happy that he bought that Brewers jersey (sorry, Ted - Aron told me that story). Ted's never killed a man just to watch him die. He swears it was justified. But even though I'm pretty short on the bio, I expect his picking prowess will allow us to welcome him like a Downs-Syndrome cousin to our back-of-the-room table at a family reunion as if we'd always secretly admired his inspired idiocy. Or something like that. Regardless, I encourage Ted to offer up an intro in reply if he's interested just to show us who's taking our collective cash or filling our collective coffers this Season.
And so that we've laid out the New Poolies, let's reiterate the rules. This ain't no Fantasy League (not that there's anything wrong with that lifestyle). So our Charter requires these aspects of Betting through the Season:
1. Each week we pick EVERY game. According to the line offered by the
USAToday's Danny Sheridan line on Friday. If you still need help to find it, Google the mo'fo'. Or let me know. But the point is simple - we are all competing for the Weekly Pot (ante per person - $7.50), and we are all competing for the Overall Season Record Standings. Total up every week and you get your Overall Record. At the end of the Regular Season, someone finishes in First Place and someone finishes in Last Place (lovingly considered the Hugest Loser - who antes an additional $25 for the indignity). As we go along, I as Commish keep us updated with weekly updates as to the Overall Standings. That will occur both by email and on our Pool Blog (same as last year - http://bestpoolintheworld.blogspot.com/). Look over there and you'll see this email copied (minus the phone numbers). You'll be fully informed, I assure you. And amazed. Maybe.
2. Each week we also pick one game's exact score - call it the FeaturePick. You need to get the winner right (duh). And then the person closest to the exact score wins that Pot (ante per person - $2.50).
3. Each week the person with the shittiest record is deemed the BigLoser and antes an additional $5 into the End o' Season Overall Winner Pot.
--- So, for the New Poolies - you ante up $10 per week and if you're the BigLoser you also throw in an additional $5. So the max on any given week is $15. There are some extreme examples of when this might be increased, which has never happened in 15 years of this Pool operating. Such as if someone goes 16-0 or if they hit their FeaturePick exactly on the nuts - in each case the ante for those Pots would be at least doubled. But for the sake of argument, consider the 17 Week Season as a $170 ante with the chance for more if you suck. Any way you measure it, this is a fabulous amount of betting for a low entry fee. As Bob would say, sounds like my Prom date. And all of this accounting is done as an aggregate through the Season, and no one sends anything to the Commish if they owe it until after the Super Bowl.
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4. We all need to pick teams for the Pre-Season Super Bowl Pot. Pick one team from the AFC, one team from the NFC, the resulting Super Bowl Winner, a score for that hypothetical match-up, and a tie-breaker team from either Conference. So, as an example, I might say the Packers will meet the Seahawks, Pack wins 72-4, and the Eagles are my tiebreaker. For this Pot each of us ante up $25, to be awarded to whoever gets closest to the actual Super Bowl result.
5. We have a Playoff Pot, in which we all pick every playoff game through the Super Bowl. There's a graduated point scheme (trust me, it makes total sense and has been tested by time) and we all ante up $25 for this Pot. Winner take all.
6. Side bets are welcomed. Such as Bob and I have a $50/$50/$50 bet - first half season through Week 9 best Overall record/second half season through end of season best record/Overall best record. Jug and I bet a dinner for the best Overall record. Sockie and I will probably bet a giant cookie for something. If you want, get your swerve on. I don't need to say this, but I thought you might all want to know that this sort of mano a mano stuff is encouraged.
AND SO...what we've got is a Pool of Six. To be redundant:
- Bob "John Elway is Too Smily" Wayman - bobbus451@yahoo.com (Seattle resident, Donkeys fan)
- Colin "Corrupting Our Youth Electronically" Palmer - colin.palmer@comcast.net (Seattle resident, Seahags fan)
- Christopher "Even My Mom Calls Me Jug" George - jug_george@comcast.net (St. Paul resident, Vikes fan)
- Patrick "Me Sockie You Long Time" Savage - savagepd@yahoo.com (San Jose resident, possibly reluctant Vikes fan)
- Ted "not Don or Dean" Martin - tedamartin@yahoo.com (Seattle resident, Packers fan)
- Eric "the Commish" Magnuson - e_magnuson@yahoo.com (San Francisco resident, Packers fan)
If any of this is unclear, let me know. I typed it up with our 6-month-old daughter, Maya, screaming her frickin' lungs out in the background. I'll follow up with a reminder email tomorrow. But you need to get me a pick for the Thursday game and your Pre-Season picks before kick-off. Expect lots of silliness this season. Some of it from me. Good luck clearing the sewage from your basements. I'm talking to you, Dr. John. Rock on.
Ever -
E.
